I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
