I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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