so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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