the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
