But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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