I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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