Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
