Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
