I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Soap is not a condiment
Small penises have feelings too.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
