I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
