If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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