i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
