he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
