mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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