in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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