new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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