pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
