fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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