Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
