so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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