He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
