I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
