oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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