Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
