just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
