the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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