after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
