When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
