Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
