dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
two words: eviction party
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
