what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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