I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
