I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
