fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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