you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
