i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
