I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
