Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
