fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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