When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
