ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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