your thong is hanging out like whoa
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
