Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
