Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
