I am puke
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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