Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
