A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
