I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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