how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
