let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
