He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
