this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think people are normalizing furries
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
